Sure, there are a lot of double standards when it comes to the way men and women approach sex (orgasm deficit is one huge one), but there are also a lot of straight-up misconceptions about how women really feel about it. Women don’t hate sex, women don’t need to be in love to have sex, and women do not care about your penis size. Wouldn’t it be great if this could all be cleared up?
1. I’m not going to automatically fall in love and start planning a wedding because you gave me an orgasm. This whole idea about how girls get “so attached” after you have sex with them one single time is bullshit. I’m a person with ~*~needs~*~, just like you.
2. I love a good one-night stand just as much as you and all your bro friends do. So don’t get offended if I don’t want to exchange phone numbers and go on a brunch date the next day.
3. Yep, I’m definitely going to discuss every single detail of our sex life with my closest friends. Just like you probably do with your closest friends. Talking about sex is almost as great as having the actual sex.
4. How big or small or thick or thin your penis is does not matter to me nearly as much as you think it does. As long as it’s healthy and you’ve got a condom on it, I couldn’t really care less.
5. I feel incredibly creeped out when you show up without any pubic hair, like a shiny, smooth Ken doll with a dick. You’re a grown man and I would prefer it if you looked like one during this very adult activity.
6. As soon as this thing is over, I’m running straight to the bathroom before we have any sort of cuddle time. As much as I love kissing you, post-orgasm, I love not having a UTI even more.
7. I don’t know where you came up with the idea that I want this sex sesh to last for an entire hour. About 20 minutes in, I’m tired and hungry and I’m sure you are too.
8. All those things you’ve ever heard about how important foreplay is are true. It’s seriously mandatory and shouldn’t even be considered a separate thing — it’s just part of sex. Do it every single time, and don’t half-ass it. I can tell when you’re half-assing it.
9. Don’t take it personally or get weird when I suggest we should use some lube. If you act insecure about this or make some weird comment about it, I’ll feel like shit. It’s not personal, and honestly it’ll make this experience better and ~sexier~ for both of us.
10. It really might take me forever to come and you make my anxiety shoot through the roof when you ask if I’m close. This is like the sex equivalent of someone who won’t stop asking, “Are we there yet?” on a long road trip. Asking this over and over again doesn’t speed up the trip, and it’s only going to make it feel like it lasts longer.
11. I want to have sex just as badly, and probably just as often, as you do. Yeah, women aren’t “prude” or “cold” or whatever. Ditch the idea that you need to butter me up or do me a bunch of favors to get laid.
12. Just because I’m on my period doesn’t mean sex is off the table. Period sex is a thing, it can be really fun and great, and if you’re a Grown-Ass Man, you should be willing to at least give it a shot.
13. When I suggest we bring in a vibrator, it doesn’t mean I hate your penis or whatever. Please don’t take this personally. It’s not at all like bringing an extra dick into the bedroom.
14. I’m probably willing to try that new sex thing you read about (on Cosmopolitan, possibly?) if you just run it by me first. Especially once I really feel comfortable with you, I’m totally down to experiment and try out new things. How else will we keep this thing fresh?
15. I don’t know if “afterplay” is a thing, but it definitely should be. Which is to say: If you came and I didn’t, let’s keep fooling around. Like the teacher who said, “Class isn’t over when the bell rings,” sex isn’t over when you come.
16. Just because I came while you were going down on me doesn’t mean I don’t want to have sex now. Don’t hold back on foreplay because you’re worried about making me come before we ever get going. I’ll still want to have sex! Vaginas are so ~versatile~ and don’t need all the same recovery time as penises do. That’s part of why they’re so great.