We often see the first fight in a relationship as a bad thing, but if you use the conflict as a tool, you and your partner will be able to grow from it.
During the honeymoon phase with your partner, it’s hard to believe that you will ever reach the moment when you’ll disagree. How could you two fight? You’re in love, and you can’t imagine the first fight in a relationship!
With time, the honeymoon phase will slowly subside, and the real differences will start to show. This isn’t a bad thing; everyone is different, and arguments are bound to happen. You can have differences in your relationship and remain happy and in love.
But what’s important is that together you use the argument as a tool to improve your relationship.
15 things to do after the first fight in a relationship
If you want to make conflict a positive tool, you must learn not only how to argue, but also what to do after an argument. After a disagreement is when you can form constructive solutions that will improve your relationship. So, having fights are normal, and they will happen.
Here’s how to use your first fight as a way to help your relationship and solve issues before they become bigger. Because not all fights are bad ones.
#1 Don’t panic! Yes, you just had your first fight. You thought you would never disagree with your partner? Fights happen in relationships, but they don’t mean your relationship is doomed. All this means is that you have a difference of opinions on a topic and need to talk about it.
There’s no point in panicking. When you panic, you overreact and make decisions purely out of emotion.
#2 Don’t give your partner the cold shoulder. We’re not two-years-old. I know you would love nothing more than to give your partner the cold shoulder, but this isn’t a sign of maturity.
If anything, this shows your inability to communicate your feelings to your partner. Push through this and try your hardest to say how you feel.
#3 Give each other *a little bit of* space. If it was a heated argument, give each other a little bit of space. Now, you shouldn’t give them days and days of space, that won’t help. You don’t want to talk about it days later when everything has passed. When you’ve cooled down, re-approach your partner and see if they want to talk about it.
#4 Extend the olive branch. Someone must make the first move; it could or could not be you. But someone will have to re-approach the subject again. If you feel it’s the right time, then make the first move and extend the olive branch. You don’t need to talk about it right away; a hug can help ease the tension.
#5 Don’t just say, “I’m sorry.” Saying, “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean much unless it comes with some sort of action or solution. If you yelled at them, for example, you cannot just say, “I’m sorry.” Instead, after apologizing, explain what your apology means and how you’ll change. Don’t forget; you’ll need to actually live up to your words.
#6 Listen to your partner. If you want to resolve this conflict, sit down with your partner and listen to how they’re feeling. They need to express themselves without you getting angry or judgmental. Simply listen to their side of the story, and then, when it’s your turn, talk.
#7 Own up to any hurt you may have caused. There were two of you in the argument, right? Sure, your partner may have been in the wrong, but you probably weren’t an angel either. So, if there’s anything you need to own up to, take responsibility for it. If you said something hurtful towards your partner, own up to it.
#8 If they re-approach the topic, don’t walk away. Your partner may come back to you to talk about the problem after a couple of minutes of cooling down. And this is them extending the olive branch. This takes a lot for someone to make the first step, and you shouldn’t walk away from them if they reach their hand out.
#9 Share your side of what happened, but without shifting blame. You should listen to your partner and their side of the story, but they should also listen to your side and how the argument made you feel. But what’s most important is that you do not shift the blame and point fingers to them. Simply express how the fight made you feel.
#10 Avoid giving low-blows and jabs. It’s easy to use low-blows and insults against your partner during the first fight in a relationship. You want to come out as the winner, and this tactic is when you don’t want to take responsibility for your own actions. Low-blows and jabs won’t make the situation any better; it’ll only make your partner feel bad about themselves.
#11 Look at the root of the issue. After everything has settled down, it’s important to take a look at the real root of the problem. It wasn’t the fact your partner forgot to buy you the lemons you asked for; there’s something deeper behind it. Sit with your partner and dig into the real meaning of what’s going on.
#12 It’s time to look for a solution. After your first fight, you’re probably a bit shaken up. It makes sense. But this doesn’t mean you should just put the issue aside and live your life. Come up with a solution for this problem with your partner, or else it’ll keep coming up.
#13 Preventative planning helps. Maybe your first argument didn’t happen exactly how you’d like. Maybe there was way more yelling than necessary. If that’s the case, it’s important you and your partner look at preventative methods. It could be avoiding certain trigger words or knowing when to pull back when things are becoming a little too heated.
#14 If the topic keeps coming up, consider a relationship counselor. There will be many fights where you will never re-discuss the topic ever again. But then there will be some things that will reoccur.
If this happens, and you’re unable to come up with a solution, seek a professional. They have the tools to help you get on the right track.
#15 No, you don’t need to have makeup sex. You’ve watched enough rom-coms to know that after a fight, couples would have hot and steamy sex. But that’s not something you need to do. If you’re not feeling like being sexual with your partner, you don’t need to be. But, let them know you love and care for them, give them a hug or tell them you love them.
Eventually, the time will come when you have the first fight in a relationship. It’s something unavoidable. But you can decide how you’ll handle the aftermath.