When my husband had his accident five years ago that ended up with him breaking his neck, fracturing his back, and becoming functionally impotent, it would be trite to say that my life changed.
I had a three-year-old toddler and a baby who was almost a year old when I got the call that my husband was lucky to be alive and that he might be a quadriplegic or at least, might never walk again.
While his recovery was slow and arduous over an 18 month period, he has, to the amazement of his various doctors, not only learned to walk again, but he goes to the gym and is back running, completing his first half-marathon last year. Unfortunately, the thing that didn’t recover was his ability to achieve and maintain an erection.
We’ve seen specialist urologists and tried all of the drugs, but in the last four years, it’s been a struggle. Prior to his accident, I had a fairly low libido and didn’t really worry about sex too much.
It was a low priority for me and because my husband was a clumsy lover, it was nice to be with him in that way, but it wasn’t causing my eyes to roll back in my head regularly. But during his recovery, my entire life changed, including my sex drive.
The more I noticed it, the more I concentrated on it, and the more I nurtured that aspect of who I was. Getting in touch and experiencing my own sexuality gave me a much-needed distraction from the daily grind of dealing with his health issues, raising two little girls, running a household, and having a full-time job.
Here’s are the things that I did to bring my sex drive to life.
Masturbation I’d never been a big masturbator at any point in my life. Prior to my husband’s injury, I may have masturbated less than a half a dozen times in the previous fifteen years and even as a young woman and a teenager, exploring my body in that way just wasn’t something that I did. But the stress of my husband’s injury weighed on me and one night while he was still in hospital, I found myself in bed and I pleasured myself… and then I did it again. I went and had a shower, and while I was there I used the detachable shower head’s massage setting to do it some more. I made my way back into my bed, drank some wine, and kept doing it. I finally passed out, covered in a thin film of sweat, and woke up the next morning feeling the like the weight of the world had lifted. Over the next several months while my husband was in the hospital, this became almost a nightly ritual for me. It lit the fire of my libido that really had never been sparked before. Now, nearly five years later, masturbating is a regular part of my life.
Improving My General Health With Exercise I’ve always been thin and to be honest, rather scrawny. I had small B-cup breasts for most of my life, and let’s be honest, for a lot of the time, they were average A-cups. When the girls came along, they blossomed into a regular B. My ass was pretty much non-existent. It was so non-existent that I had a friend at work who said I was the only person she’d ever met with a concave ass. More broadly, I was just lazy and lethargic — I was thin and physically unfit.
But again, when my husband was injured, I needed to blow off steam, and I ended up doing yoga and then hitting the gym. And I got into it. I hired a personal trainer that was a female powerlifting champion in Australia and she helped me “fix” the parts of my body that I was self-conscious about — namely my boobs and my ass.
I even developed a six-pack for a short while a year ago, but I found it so unsexy to look at in the mirror that I backed off my core workouts a bit. And that’s the key thing — working out and becoming more fit, not only changed the way I felt, but how I looked. I didn’t just feel better, I looked sexier and I felt sexier. For the first time in my adult life, men noticed me sexually and that really stoked my sex drive.
Dressing Better As everything in my life was in chaos, I threw myself more into my job. I think the work was a distraction for eight hours a day, but also, being more fit helped my energy levels, and that helped me at work. I got promoted a couple of times in very short order and was made a partner in my law firm. One thing that I knew I had to do was to improve my wardrobe — I couldn’t just be the non-descript lawyer in the grey skirt suit with my new position. Plus, my body was changing in a way that I liked and I wanted to show it off a bit more, so getting a new wardrobe helped me do that.
I went for more flattering clothes and ones that were still professional, but slightly more revealing. I was getting attention from men, I liked it, and I wanted a little bit more. Feeling better about myself, looking better in my new wardrobe, getting the positive feedback and attention, all fed in to me feeling more confident and becoming a more sexually driven person.
Having More Sex and Varied Sex After about 18 months into my husband’s recovery when it became obvious that his erectile dysfunction wasn’t going away quickly and us both recognizing that I’d become a more sexual person, he offered me the opportunity to see other men to get what I needed. It took me a while to cross that bridge, but once I did, it became something that I really enjoyed.
My sexual activity increased dramatically, my satisfaction from sex went up exponentially, and my overall sex drive exploded. This was kind of the culmination of everything that had been happening to me as a sexual person over the prior two years — I’d discovered and explored my own body, I’d improved my health and self-image, I’d gaine