7 tips for keeping your sex life healthy

1. Consider the quality vs. quantity sex Sexual satisfaction in marriage comes from the quality of the sex and the frequency at which the couples are having sex. One thing to consider is the quality vs. quantity of sex that you and your spouse are having. This understanding will help you overcome the challenges related to marriage and sex, as now just increasing the quantity will not be the focal point of your sexual life. Remember to measure the health of your married sex life by quality, not quantity.

Here’s what quality of sex includes Discussing sexual positions that would bring gratification to both the partners Talking about your sexual needs Engaging in oral sex Stimulation of genitals Kissing and caressing Experimenting factoring in your partner’s preferences

2. Scheduling sex can save your marriage If both of you love sex when you do have it, then great! Many researchers simply suggest scheduling it in. It seems robotic, but once you get started it’s anything but robotic and becomes instrumental in boosting satisfaction in married sex life. Scheduling sex simply means it becomes a higher priority Scheduling sex is not unheard of. Newlywed couples often plan their sex before actually indulging in the act. Megan Fleming, Ph.D. and a New York City-based sex and relationship therapist, encourages couples to schedule their intimate moments together.

However, the only problem with scheduling sex, as stated by Fleming, is “you don’t know how you’ll both feel at that time and we can’t command ourselves to feel aroused”, but you can “create conditions that make sex more likely to happen”.

3. Stop negative feelings in a marriage If your quality of sex is low, then that could be a reason why the quantity is low as well.

In a marriage, sex is the tie that binds. If you experience a dip in your sexual desire, analyze whether that is due to negative feelings about your marriage, your spouse or yourself.

A negative perspective on marriage can spell death knell for married sex life. Practicing positive affirmations about your partner, stopping unfair comparisons, releasing negative emotions by communicating openly and self-belief can go help you in staying positive in your marriage. Whatever you discover about marriage, negative feelings in a marriage and sex, make sure you spend time doing something constructive about it, so you can enjoy the relationship benefits of having sex more often.

4. Look and feel attractive at home There is no rule book on when and where to feel sexy and you don’t need to be particularly good looking, either. However, t is common to slip into a comfort zone in marriage and stop feeling or making the effort to look and feel sexy.

Loosen your hinges and slip into your inner sexiness by first focusing on what you like best about yourself. Channelize your energy into all the positive and favorite bits about yourself. Practice self-love and self-care every day. Get yourself a new haircut, overhaul your wardrobe, buy new make-up – do anything to kickstart the routine and get that extra dose of confidence. Change things up a bit and get noticed by your partner,

5. Preserve the mystery As much as it sounds counter-intuitive, don’t reveal everything about yourself to your partner. Surprise them by revealing your different facets, gradually. Similarly, you don’t need to know everything that is going on in your partner’s mind. Allow yourself to be surprised, wooed by different shades of their personality, fantasies and desires.

6. Bring sexy back into your relationship To shake up the things between the sheets, resume dating. The anticipation of date will trigger excitement between the two of you.

While on a date, engage in kissing. Kissing is a great way to show that you desire your partner. Caressing your partner’s cheeks and back or holding their hands while kissing can really heat things up for the two of you! Nurture each other’s sexual sides by engaging in intimate conversations, where you learn about your partner’s love languages.

7. Stop playing the no-sex blame game with your spouse Stop the blame game and take accountability for making things better.

Also, bear in mind that a good marriage therapist can also help you figure out how to improve things on all accounts including a thriving married sex life.  There are lots of statistics on married sex life out there that seem to tell us what is a “normal” amount of sex for married couples or educate us on an average number of times per week married couples make love.

In all reality, there is no set definition of normal. However, keep in mind that marriage and sex are not mutually exclusive to relationship bliss. 

Each couple is different, so it’s up to you to determine what is normal for you!


Awk Word

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