To help make your sex life better and more satisfying, focus on the following:
1. Increase general relationship satisfaction. While sex is often an important aspect of a relationship, it is not the only piece of the larger exchange and interaction. As a result, how both partners feel about the relationship overall impacts their feelings of sexual satisfaction as well.
Given that, spending some time improving your relationship in other areas can benefit you in the bedroom. Specifically, work on communicating in ways that build a great connection and rapport with your partner and use conversation to increase attraction.
Develop attraction through eye contact, mimicry, as well as sharing exciting stories and novels. Finally, focus on decreasing the negative aspects of your relationship by addressing bad habits and learning how to resolve arguments. Taken together, this will help you talk more, feel better about each other, and set a good foundation for better sexual interactions too.
2. Increase sexual rewards and reduce costs. Once you have established a bit more rapport and conversation with your partner, start to find out what they specifically like about sex (keeping the conversation on present-oriented and sex related topics.
When you find something your partner likes, remember to reward them with it, especially when they do something to please you too. Also, address any costs you and your partner identify as well.
Particularly, emotional costs can often be aided by building a more rewarding interaction and being appreciative whereas physical costs can often be improved by working on overall kissing, and touching.
3. Address unrealistic expectations. Beyond the actual rewards and costs of a sexual interaction, satisfaction is also impacted by expectations too. Descriptions in stories and movies can make some individuals believe they should be overly selfish, taking care of their own needs and pleasure at the expense of a partner.
Other times, individuals may feel the need to be selfless instead — serving a partner without considering their own feelings and desires. Distorted portrayals in pornography may make individuals concerned about their body or sexual performance too.
Therefore, it is important for both partners to honestly communicate their feelings and needs — instead of relying on what each one “thinks” the other may want, given what they have learned from the media. This is an area where professional counseling and education can help too.
4. Equalize the sexual exchange. Finally, in all exchange relationship, people are often most satisfied when things are going well with their patners. In contrast, people often get uncomfortable when they are getting too little, or too much, compared to their partner in any type of interaction. This is particularly true over time and impacts sexual satisfaction too.
Therefore, once you have figured out the basics of what both you and your partner find rewarding and have set some realistic expectations, double-check to make sure you are not getting too little (or too much) in the exchange either. This will help ensure that your sex life stays rewarding and satisfying, for both you and your partner, into the future as well.