You might spend a lot of time thinking about ways to get a girlfriend, but perhaps not as much time considering what you actually want out of a girlfriend when you find one. It’s all very well making sure your first dates go well and that you’re a good kisser, but let’s say you cinch the deal and find yourself partnered up… well, now what?
You’re going to want to make sure you’re with someone who can hold your attention and who still makes you feel fondly after the initial buzz has faded, right? That’s how all truly great relationships last rather than fizzling out. So I’ve rounded up the top 10 traits of a great girlfriend.
1. She’s Loyal To You
This is a pretty fundamental requirement of anyone in a monogamous relationship. Unless the two of you have agreed to be in an open relationship, your girlfriend has to be loyal to you, and this goes beyond simply not cheating on you or flirting . She should stick up for you around other people, and defend you if people are being rude or unfair to you.
2. She’s Herself Around You
One of the most crucial elements of successful long term relationships is that you can truly be yourself around each other. Sometimes this is physical — think of Drake’s “sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on” line — but, more importantly, it extends to how honest she can be with you about things that really matter to her, and how your behavior impacts her, too. Open, honest communication is crucial, so make sure you find a girl who can be up front with you.
3. She Listens To Your Problems
It’s not all frantic sex and exciting dates in relationships. There will occasionally be down times, too, and you need to be partnered with someone who will be there for you when things take a turn for the worse. Make sure your girlfriend is compassionate enough to hear your problems and, if she even if she can’t always offer concrete solutions, she should at least be providing a shoulder to cry on, real or metaphorical.
4. She Lets You Be Vulnerable
Speaking of metaphorical shoulders to cry on, maybe your girlfriend needs to provide a literal shoulder to cry on, too. If you can’t be your most vulnerable self in front of your girlfriend, who can you be vulnerable in front of? Don’t be scared to cry or be confused, soft and unguarded in front of her, and if you feel like you can’t or she’d mock you for it, she’s not the one for you.
5. She’s Got Your Back
We all have times when our partners drive us crazy, but you should be with someone who always speaks about you with respect. If your girlfriend is slagging you off or talking behind your back negatively, then that’s corrosive to your relationship and erodes the trust required for you to function as a couple. She’s allowed to criticize you, but pointless name-calling and attempts to shred your self-esteem shouldn’t ever be tolerated.
6. She Shares Your Values
You and your girlfriend don’t have to agree with each other on everything, but when it comes to your fundamental beliefs and values, you two should be aligned. These often take a little while to come to light, so don’t be afraid to delve into the deeper questions when you are first getting to know a romantic interest.
7. She Includes You In Her World
Once you’ve decided to share your life with someone, you should be introducing them to your circle of friends and family. They don’t have to hang out all the time (in fact, it’s healthy to keep some degree of separation), but if your girlfriend has never so much as mentioned you to her friends and family, that’s cause for alarm and a sign that she might not be taking things as seriously as you are.
8. You Find Her Attractive
This one’s basic: a great girlfriend will be someone you find physically attractive. Most men know that the Photoshopped porn star/Barbie image that’s peddled to you is unrealistic and boring, but you’re going to want your girlfriend to care about her appearance and feel good about how she looks, whatever shape or size she is. Make sure you help by letting her know how beautiful you find her on a regular basis, too.
9. She’s Kind To The People In Your Life
Obviously you want a girlfriend who is kind to you, but if she’s otherwise aloof or rude to your parents, friends or coworkers, that’s not ideal at all. Respecting the people in your life is a sign that she wants to be more fully a part of it, so pay attention to how she speaks to and behaves towards the people who are important to you.
10. She Makes You Laugh
A shared sense of humor and ability to bond over funny things is a key quality in any strong relationship and helps to keep things light. The best relationships have dynamic where both people in the partnership can make each other laugh, so make sure you find a girl who cracks you up from time to time — after all, your girlfriend should also be one of your best friends, and you wouldn’t put up with a dour, humorless friend.
These top ten traits of a great girlfriend aren’t lofty or demanding, they’re just the fundamental qualities that help a partnership to be strong. Of course, you’re going to need to be bringing something to the table, too, and together you can work on building a fun, loving, lasting union.