Couples: Sleeping In Separate Rooms Could Save Your Marriage

This morning, I woke up alone again, as I do
every morning”, said Caroline, tongue in check.

She was trying to make me see the importance of
separate bedrooms to some fledgling marriages.
She continued: “I nipped down to the kitchen to
make a plate of hot buttered toast and brought it
back to bed with me with a cup of tea. I switched
on the TV, laid back and happily scattered
crumbs all over the sheets without feeling guilty.

“Ever since my husband and I decided to sleep in
separate bedrooms some years ago, our
marriage has been happier and more fulfilling
than ever – we hadn’t had an argument, nor is
our sex life a thing of the past. As I heard him
make his way to the kitchen to fetch his own
moin-moin and coffee, I smiled as I recalled our
‘date’ in his bedroom yesterday evening, which
ended with a good night kiss before I tip-toed
back to my own sanctuary!”

Caroline is in some very good company. Sharing
a marital bed is not as popular as it once was,
she said. “I love my husband dearly and the
physical attraction between us remains as strong
as the day we met. But between his snoring and
my fidgeting, we just couldn’t get along while we
are sharing a duvet.

Folusho and I met some 15 years ago when he
was 45. Like a lot of men in this country, he
snores – very loudly, every night, without fail.
Then I read of a survey that revealed that more
than half of all couples find snoring the most
annoying habit in bed. For me, sleepless nights
became a fact of life.

Yet my husband was so lovely in other ways that
I felt compelled to try to turn a deaf ear to a habit
he couldn’t really help. This went on for years
until six years ago when we separated. He
already had two children from his first marriage
and now in his 50s, was adamant he didn’t want
more than the only child I had for him..

“A year later, he managed to woo me back with
the promise I could have one or two more. I was
delighted because I really loved him – but didn’t
feel the same about his snoring. Our first few
weeks back together were heaven by day, hell-
on-earth by night. Ear plugs, anti-snoring sprays
and nasal strips made zero impact. At my
insistence he consulted his doctor who told him
that his sonorous habit was caused by damage to
his septum. On the basis that it would be painful
and might not even work, he declined the
suggested surgery.

“Not long after, we were on holidays abroad, his
snoring became so bad that I woke him up and
threatened that if he didn’t stop snoring, I would
drench him in icy cold water. I pleaded he should
take a few pillows and sleep in the bathroom. He
argued that since I was the only one complaining,
I was the one who should sleep in the bathroom.
So, I took myself off to a cold, tiled floor, next to a
dripping tap!

“Once we got home, I told him straight away I
wanted to sleep in the spare room and much to
my amazement he greeted the idea warmly. He
said he’d been trying to think of a way to tell me
that my fidgeting and getting up to the loo so
many times in the night was driving him insane!
And so, five years ago, I moved into the spare
room. I go to bed early and read – books,
magazines, whatever. I ate biscuits and all sorts
of snacks and got crumbs everywhere – a habit
Folusho can’t stand.

“Night after glorious night, I go to sleep and stay
asleep. By contrast, my husband goes to bed
very late and watches television with the AC in
full force!

“Friends say we’re missing out on those
spontaneous moments of intimacy and early-
morning nookie. But in reality, people wake up
with bad breath and flatulence, not in a romantic
embrace! Intimacy may feel like it’s ‘on tap when
you share the same bed, but in my experience,
couples who know they can do it any time
actually end up doing it very little. But when you
have separate beds, you make time for each
other out of desire, not out of habit. In fact, our
sleeping arrangements are so stress-free all
round, that I have been recommending it as a fool
proof way of reinvigorating a relationship.” 

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