Signs It’s Time to Leave Your Relationship

1. Physical Abuse
Most of us know that it is dangerous to stay
in a relationship with a physically abusive
partner. No matter how much you feel you
love your partner, and no matter how often
he or she says they are sorry after being
physically abusive, ongoing physical abuse is
dangerous and has nothing to do with love.
If your partner physically harms you, it’s
time to leave.
Of course, leaving is often hard, so it is likely
that you will need help with this. In fact,
leaving may cause even more danger, so you
need to make sure you will be safe once you
make the decision to leave. Once you leave,
it’s important to not have contact with your
partner except in a safe situation such as a
therapy office. If your partner is open to
therapy and anger management, there may be
hope for the relationship, but many abusive
people are not open to honestly facing

2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse, Overly
Controlling Behavior
If you are experiencing verbal abuse, such as
frequent anger, rage, blame, sarcasm,
criticism, judgments, threats and other
abusive means of undermining and
controlling, it may be time to leave. Again,
it’s vital that you heal your end of this
relationship system before moving on.
If your abusive partner is willing to attend
therapy for themselves and with you, there
may be a chance of healing this relationship,
but if he or she is closed and unwilling to
learn, grow and heal, then you need to accept
that no matter how wonderful and loving
you are, or how much you change your end
of your relationship system, he or she is
unlikely to change. You do not have control
over getting another person to see what they
are doing and decide to change. Accepting
your powerlessness over your partner is a
big step in dealing with your end of the

3. Child Abuse
If you have children and you discover that
your partner is sexually, verbally and/or
physically abusing them, or has abused them,
it’s time to leave. If you are with a partner
who has children and you discover that he or
she is abusing their children, then you need
to take action to protect the child or children,
as well as to leave. You are the advocate for
your children and their children, and you
need to do all you can to create a safe
environment for them.
If you find out when your children are adults
that one or more were sexually abused by
your partner, you need to consider leaving.
Staying with a partner who has sexually
abused your child is extremely unsupportive
of your child and of yourself — since you
cannot be in integrity while staying with a
partner who has harmed your child.

4. Financial abuse
Financial abuse can include:
Your partner refusing to work, after having
agreed to work and contribute to the
Your partner over-spending and putting you
into debt.
Your partner gambling and putting you into
Your partner using money to control you.
If your partner is using you financially and/or
putting you into debt, you might want to
legally separate as a way of gaining control
over your own finances. Sometimes partners
can remain in a relationship but legally
separate finances, so that money cannot be
used in any way against you. If you have
been enabling your partner financially, then
you have some inner work to do to heal your
end of the system.

5. Substance Addictions
If you partner is an alcoholic or a drug addict
and this is causing you pain, then it may be
time to leave. Again, you need to accept your
powerlessness over him or her and focus on
taking loving care of yourself. If you are an
enabler, then you need to receive help with
this through a 12-Step program and/or
therapy so that you don’t repeat this in your
next relationship.
If your partner is addicted to food in such a
way that he or she is causing himself or
herself illness and expecting you to take care
of them, you might want to consider leaving.
These substance addictions indicate a deep
level of self-abandonment and again, unless
your partner is willing to deal with
themselves in a 12-Step program and/or
therapy, this is not likely to change.


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